*More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.
*Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
*That's enough, Nickelback.
*Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no Internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.
*There is a great need for sarcasm font.
*Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the hell was going on when I first saw it.
*I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that every one's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.
*How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
*I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
*The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.
*Was learning cursive really necessary?
*Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".
*My brother's Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the name. He explained, "Cuz we beat you, and you hate us." Classy, bro.
*How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
*While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.
*Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
*I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
*Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!
*Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?
*Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.
"Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.
*I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'
*I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
*I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
*When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
*I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
*Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
*It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
*I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
*I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.
*I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.